The Possimpible

Strange. I don't know why it is, but I'm having a super insecure day today. Yes, ladies, guys get insecure too. It's the most random thing right now, and it's not one particular thing I can pinpoint. I've just been feeling like I'm not awesome today. Things are going super awesome lately, and I'm stoked about it. Just felt like putting it out in the universe. Anyone else ever sometimes have a day where you just feel unattractive, unwanted, whatever?

This is not a revolution 'til we say it is

Ah, contentment. It's a strange feeling to have. Generally I'm on a rampage of unsteadiness and get lost trying to balance my world. Right now I don't feel that at all. I love the place I've arrived in the past few weeks.

For starters, I've begun a new job that I'm absolutely crazy about. Basically I give demonstrations of a really cool home cleaning product that helps with allergies and asthma in peoples' homes. I can't believe I'm in sales again, but this is so much better than any other sales job I've had. People ask me to buy. They love the presentation and I get paid super well for what I'm doing. It's really a breath of fresh air to actually make some good money for once. There's a ton of room for advancement too. If I keep up the pace I'm working at, I could have my own office in a few months. MONTHS. How crazy. Right now I'm the top sales guy in my office and I'm heading up the ranks in the country. I'm hoping things stay steady or continue to improve.

Because of that, I'm in the market for a new car. Mine is so close to its death bed. It makes noises that would scare the most talented of mechanics, and my job requires me to drive all over the place. I really can't take the chance of my car breaking down in the middle of nowhere and missing a possible sale. So, I've been looking, but haven't quite found what I want yet. I'm not in any super rush, but I'd like to find something as soon as possible. Ideally I'd love to get a few year old Jetta. I've found a few cars in my price range that would be suitable, but this is going to be a big purchase and I want to LOVE what I get.

Things in the apartment are better than ever. Sarah and I are learning how to live together. I know when she needs her own time and she knows when I need mine. Sometimes we eat dinner together and other times we do our own thing. My confidence in us continues to grow. It's amazing how every day we learn more and more about each other. The dynamic is so different now that we live together. We can be together without being up eachothers asses. We can spend time together while doing different things. I'm completely in love with living with her. Our apartment is really coming along. We haven't painted yet, but we've finished most of the unpacking. I put up a few pictures that she wasn't ecstatic about in the bathroom and she was kind enough to let them stay. Life is really good right now.

The band is in a little stagnant period. Our record came out and got mild numbers. We haven't been getting any tour offers worth pursuing, so we're just doing random one off shows. We have a cool show in Syracuse with Story Of The Year, which should be cool. A few college shows to help pay off band debt. Other than that, we're taking a much needed break. We still talk constantly and are making plans for fall, but we're taking a little time to focus on the rest of our lives. It's actually great. It's going to take a lot of stress off of the next time we tour. Our biggest problem is we need to find a new van since ours broke down in Long Island a few weeks ago.

Lucky we're in love in every way

Life has been a big ball of complete insanity lately. I haven't had even a few minutes to sit and type a blog entry like this one. I suppose that's a good thing. It means I'm not stagnant. Not wasting away the hours, even though at times I definitely feel like I am.

Sarah and I moved in together. We have a cozy little apartment with my best friend in my favorite neighborhood. It's far from being done, but we've made significant progress in the week we've lived there, especially considering this week was our cd release week. More on that later. We still want to paint the living room a beautiful color called "Fresh Melon" by Glidden (go check it out). We're missing a few end tables. Our room isn't fully unpacked and my side of the closet looks like a mess. But all of that considered, we're stoked on how it is coming along. It's incredible to spend every night with her. We've had our little spats and moved on from them quickly. In a strange way, this is proof to me that this is meant to be. Normally, fights in relationships with me signal the end. I don't handle it well. But with her, it's worth working out. I have the desire to confront issues when they arise. We work them out fairly quickly and move right along. She's gone through one of the toughest periods in life that someone can go through and we've gotten through it together. I fall harder for her every single day.

Our new cd came out on Tuesday. It's been selling incredibly well. I'm super anxious to see how the online sales and in store sales have gone. We won't hear until Wednesday, so suffice to say we will be freaking out until then. First week numbers are the most important in a band's career. We've pushed so hard hoping for success. Our whole team is so supportive, and I can't believe the reviews it's been getting. People are super positive about it and I'm incredibly grateful. Now it's time to figure out what's going on with the next tour!

When you look at me

I forgot to mention two other blogs you should absolutely check out. I post on both:

This Is What Our Love Sounds Like
Sarah and I take turns on my tours updating this. We post a song a day that makes us think about eachother. One of my favorite blogs I've ever been a part of.

No Place On Earth
This is my photoblog. I try and post a new photo every day, but sometimes there just isn't anything interesting to photograph. I am by no means a professional.... or even a hobbyist. I just take pictures of things I find interesting on my iPhone.

Tremble, little lion man

I'm home for a few days from tour. Tour has been... hectic. We're having a really good time, but for some reason I feel like this time we've all gotten a lot less sleep and everyone's a little grumpy. This two day break is definitely much needed. I'm spending the next two days with Sarah, which makes everything fantastic.

Speaking of which... I realize I just dropped the fact that we're moving in together without any details. There's not a whole lot to it really. Before we ever started dating, we had been joking around about the idea of moving in together as roommates. We figured we had a lot of fun hanging out and both wanted an apartment, so why not get one together? I'm sure a lot of it had to do with our desire to be together. Regardless, once we started dating, the idea came up again. We were laughing about it, but realized it was something that didn't seem silly. I told her obviously if we were to live together, we're not having separate rooms. We know that for a lot of couples, it would be too soon. Neither of us are the types to live life by other peoples' rules. We move on our own schedule. Our lives are based on what we feel is right. We're incredibly happy spending every minute we can together. We move in July 1st and are so excited. We've got some awesome plans for our bedroom and I'm sure there will be lots of pictures and updates here once we get going. Our roommate is going to be my best friend, Liam. He's also the other singer of my band and someone I lived with for over five years. I haven't been so excited for something in a long time.

Your sweet moonbeam

I'm in Mobile, AL. I don't know why, but I never pictured this place being such a busy, eclectic city. We spent some time in the mall promoting our band today and there were tons of rocker kids who had heard of bands we compare ourselves to, and a few who had even heard of us. I'm blown away. We're staying in a swanky hotel room tonight because of the awesome kids who bought cds in the mall and helped us afford it. We're struggling in the money department, but then again who isn't?

I've been having an off day today. A lot of little things happened that have frustrated and worried me, but I'm doing my best to fight through it. I've begun to notice a shift back towards negativity in the world and I'm not a fan. I'm an optimist by nature (for the most part), so I like to see the positive in most situations. I can never understand people saying they hate the world and everyone in it. Granted, I'm sure they don't exactly mean it, but it still makes me sad. I've had rough times where life didn't seem like it could get any worse and I did my best to get through it. I did, and now I'm completely happy with my life with a few small exceptions.

We have a stop at home in a week and I get to see Sarah. I'm out of my mind excited for it even though we've been gone less than a month. Once I go home from this whole tour, we're moving in together. She's doing all the paperwork now and we're just waiting on the results of the application. Fingers crossed that everything goes smoothly.

Swallowed in the sea

I'm in an incredibly good and optimistic mood right now.

I can't pinpoint the source of my optimism. There is a lot of good in my life and today I'm just feeling that pretty strongly. I wrote in my offline journal today for the first time in about two months and it felt great. Ended up writing over three pages, which is abnormal for me. When I'm updating frequently, my journal entries are short. I feel like so much of my bright mood right now is because of Sarah. We spent the last few days/nights together and it was wonderful. Saturday she came along to our performance at Bamboozle. She hasn't seen us play in quite a long time, so it meant a lot to have her at such an important show for us. One of my favorite things about Sarah is how amazing she makes me feel about myself. She's always dolling out compliments about how attractive she finds me and how I help her stay on the ground when she feels like she's losing her grip. I love hearing those things. Hearing her say them always makes me smile like an idiot. We're gearing up for an even longer period of time away from eachother since this next tour is almost two months long. She doesn't seem worried, and I'm certainly not. It was hard to be away from her for so long the last time, but our relationship is strong already. She showed no signs of wavering, and so I'm confident in this one, and the next, and the next.

I confronted my usual source of stress (money) head on and I feel a little better about it. Writing things down, making lists, organizing the already organized... those things always help me feel like I'm in control. Even though sometimes being in control for me doesn't mean I'm where I'd like to be, at least I know that whatever is happening is a direct result of actions I've taken. I'm a bit of a control freak, I guess, and I like it that way. With the band, I've lost control of so much since we got signed that I think I need to latch onto whatever I can and hold on for dear life. We have a tour manager now who is pretty competent. He handles the money, which is scary for me. When I handle the money, I know where it's coming from, where it's going, and how much (or how little) we have left. At least then I can ration it out and know what we need to do. Now, I feel like a fish out of water. I'm trying to come up with ideas of how to be more involved without stepping on toes.

I've begun studying for that dreaded massage therapy board exam again. I've promised myself year after year after year that it would be different and yet I never pass or even get around to taking it. I want to say "this is the year... I'm going to study and I'm going to pass," but I've proven myself wrong so many times that I don't even want to say it now. The books that I've shoved into my brain time and time again sit mockingly on my bookshelf and the student loan payment that I make month after month are just too much. I can't handle knowing that I put so much money and time and stress and emotion into something that still hasn't paid off in any sense other than that I can give Sarah a wonderful massage every now and then. As happy as it makes me when she tells me she loves my hands, I need more. I'm passionate about massage therapy and the importance it has in turning things around a little bit today. Healthcare is increasingly focused on pills and reactive treatments as opposed to leading a healthy lifestyle and more natural solutions. I want to be a part of that, whether the band is successful or not. So, onward I march.

I suppose that's all for now. I miss writing so often, but time to write is so limited. Hopefully I can squeeze in some time here and there.